I can still remember back in the day when I was younger thinking of how things would be when I got older. I never honestly saw myself turning out the way I have. I'm not upset or disappointed in how I've turned out, just surprised. I honestly always thought my life would be more together by now. I was definitely wrong.
When I was younger I had a life plan. This life plan was very detailed and told of exactly what I wanted to happen and by when in my life it was to occur for me to be successful. I had it planned down to the year of marriage, birth of children, vacations that would be taken, and retirement and even contemplated for approximately when death may occur. My life as it was planned out would have been perfect, and predictable. My plan couldn't have been farther from what actually occurred than the thought that by the year 2000 we would all be living like the Jetson's.
According to my life plan I would attend college right out of high school, most likely Harvard Law, and become a lawyer. I would work for a very prestigious firm right out of law school, since I would graduate top in my class. At twenty-three I would marry, most likely either a lawyer like myself or a doctor, and my new husband and I would take a three month hiatus from life to go explore the world. We would visit Europe, Australia, South America and the United States. Hawaii would be one of our favorite stops on our tour of the world.
Once we returned to our lives in the big city (we would be living in New York, Chicago or Washington D.C. of course), we would both focus on our careers for approximately a year, then try to conceive. Our first born child, a boy, would be born before my twenty-fifth birthday. He would be the center of my world for the six to eight weeks I got off from work, and then our live in nanny, most likely one of his grandmothers, would care for him while my husband and I were both working and we would take over once we were home in the evening and on weekends.
By the time I turned twenty-eight, I would make partner at the firm and be pregnant for baby number two, our little princess. By this juncture in my life I would be able to take at least three months off of work to spend time with both children and prepare our home for sale as we would be moving up to a larger home.
Once our new home was ready, a custom built mansion of no less than 3500 sqft. of perfection, not including the separate in-law apartment in the rear of the property and the six car garage we would have, along with the Olympic size swimming pool and tennis courts, all sitting on a cool twenty acres or so of land, we would be moved in and back to work, making the society pages on almost a weekly basis.
At thirty-five I would leave the firm to open my own practice. I may or may not have partners with my own firm, it would depend on the contacts I had made and how much time I felt like investing at that point in my life. I would be ready to open my own clothing line at this time as well as a restaurant that served some of my favorite foods, such as pizzas, pastas, potatoes and deserts. I would be a true mogul.
In my spare time I would have written a novel or two and they would be published and be best sellers. It is amazing what a woman can do when she sets her mind to it. I would have self-help books on the market to encourage women to chase their dreams and turn them into reality, maybe a trashy romance novel or two, and the ever present crime and mystery novels. I may even have thrown in a suspense thriller or vampire novel by this point also.
At forty-three I would be watching my first born graduate high school and follow his dreams of being a surgeon. I always knew that boy would grow into a successful doctor, most likely following in his father's footsteps. At forty-six my daughter would graduate high school and go on to be a lawyer like Mom, fighting for justice and truth.
My daughter would be the beautiful blonde haired blue eyed lawyer that one day would be a Supreme Court judge, and possibly the first woman president of the United States. Her brother has no interest in politics, but he would undoubtedly join her campaign to ensure that if anything ever happened to her, her dreams of a better tomorrow would be followed through. Of course, he would never have to step up to the plate because she would be loved by all, both domestic and foreign, and bring about a true change for the betterment of the world.
At fifty-five I would retire from practice, though I would still own my firm and assist as needed on a case by case basis. My restaurant and clothing line would be in full gear by this time and I could take a year off, save for a few meetings I may have to attend and a few major designs being created when I became bored from lack of work, and simply travel and enjoy my life. My husband, still gorgeous but with graying hair, would be retired fully from his practice of medicine and we would have a very large bank account to fund our retirement and our travel. We would dabble in real estate from time to time and enjoy going to Vegas semi-annually.
By the time I turned sixty I would be a grandmother to seven grandchildren, three from my daughter and four from my son. They would be wonderful grandchildren as my own children had raised them well and chosen wonderful, supportive spouses for themselves that helped to nurture their children.
Sadly, at the age of sixty-two, I would become a widow. My husband would pass away of seemingly natural causes. I would be devastated. I would return to work at least 30 hours per week to keep my mind busy and spend the remainder of my time with my beautiful grandchildren. I would live long enough to see my daughter elected president for a second term and serve our country well, then pass quietly in my sleep at sixty-eight years of age.
No one would weep for my death. There would be celebration in honor of my life and resolutions made to live each day to the fullest and to always fulfill your dreams.
What a wonderful life I had planned for myself. It is no wonder that, at times when I think of this plan, I become truly depressed about where my life is compared to where it should have been if I had only followed my plan. However, I realize as I age that life cannot follow a predetermined plan and to try to make it conform to such a plan would be asinine.
Here is how my life has gone thus far, mind you I'm about to turn twenty-six.
I barely graduated high school thanks it a medical issue I had causing me to miss a rather large portion of my senior year and a counselor that did not like me and was no cooperative in getting my assignments while I was off school recovering from my medical problems. Upon graduation from high school we discovered there was no way we could afford to send me to college; any college at all was too expensive for what my parents would be able to afford. Therefore, I returned to work at Dairy Queen and made my way to shift-manager before leaving to pursue a better opportunity immediately following the attacks of 9-11.
My new job didn't last long as the headquarters for the company I had signed on with was located in the Twin Towers and was destroyed in the attacks. I ended up leaving the company shortly before they went out of business and began working for the biggest retailer in the world. That was a mistake. The job was not what I had signed on for from day one. After my brother-in-law was in a head on collision on a freeway near Toledo, Ohio, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I ended my career and moved home to care for my mother. I left behind a guy that I thought I truly loved, though he never truly loved me in return. I was too focused on my mother to stop and think of the pain I felt over the ended relationship, and kept it all bottled up inside.
After 14 months of fighting with hospice personnel over my Mother's care, and watching my Dad's health slip further and further downhill during the process, I got my Mom in to see a specialist at the James Cancer Hospital. This was a true turning point. After months of being miserable and going through treatment, she got the word on April 1, 2004 that her cancer was in remission. That is the same day I was hired on at a local mail order pharmacy. This job did not last long. Before I knew it I was being hired on by the city as a 911 dispatcher. Mad overtime and great paychecks followed, but my personal life suffered tremendously. I no longer had time for family or friends. This is something I will regret until my dying days. Months after starting my job at the police department, my father passed away due to an infection he got while in the hospital recovering from surgery for an aneurism. My mother soon gave up hope in her battle and passed eight months to the day later. I was devastated.
The court battle that followed merely days later from 'family' was both needless and hurtful. Those that were involved will never be forgiven for what they have done. A little over nine months later I found out I was pregnant. All would finally be right with the world. I was in love after all, and we all know the power of love. Sadly, things were not right with the world. By three months into my pregnancy, I was on bed rest. At 27 weeks I was hospitalized on total bed rest. At 28 weeks pregnant my son was born. He spent 68 days in the NICU, but has come home and been healthy since. I ended up leaving my job after my son was born due to the overtime demands being less important to me than the health of myself and my son.
At this juncture in my life, my son's father and I are not together. I still try to act as though we are for my own sanity. You see, I love this man more than I love myself, and I refuse to accept that there is no hope for us to work things out. I'm not entirely certain where things went wrong, but I know we will find our way back to each other soon. He is my soul mate. He is the one I want for all eternity. I want to grow old with him, though I do have a slight head start. He and our son are the inspiration behind me returning to school to pursue my dreams. I want to be a better person for both of them. I want to make them proud of me. Had he not encouraged me to do this, I never would have.
My life is nowhere near where I wanted it to be, but oddly enough, I'm not complaining as much as I always assumed I would. Yes, there are times I get down about it, but all in all I truly believe things are going alright. It may not be the life I had always planned on, but it is the life I have, and I have worked hard to get to this point.
Life is what you make of it. Life is neither bad nor good. "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" (John Lennon, lyric from Beautiful Boy). Had I not gone though the things I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
It is amazing the differences between the life you plan as a child and the life you lead as an adult.
